i am really sick of myself. last year there were days i felt disgusting and days i felt great but this year seems even worse. i always feel disgusting. i always feel like shit. i don’t remember the last time i looked in the mirror or took a picture of myself and felt anything other than shit. i feel like i can’t function in society this way.

my counselor thinks i have body dysmorphic disorder. i’m not sure, really. i’ve told her that i feel inhuman and like my body is so grotesque to me that i feel like some creature out of the fucking underworld. it may sound shallow, but it’s one of the primary reasons i’m depressed.

i feel like i can’t go out in public, enjoy my life, or do anything. becaue i’m so disgusted in myself. now i’m starting to cry. great wow.

i hate feeling this way. i hate it so much and it won’t stop. i can’t talk to anyone properly or do anything properly all because of this crippling self hatred. all i can do is pretend i’m confident, pretend i’m adorable. pretend i don’t want to burn my body to the ground.